Coming up on the 24 hour mark, and in the way of a progress report, I have only this obvious nugget to offer: Montana is big. I actually think I still have 3 more hours at 79MPH to go, so let me restate so as to be clear, Montana is big. And while I am being liberal with the clichés, let me also add that once you are through the mountains, Montana has wide open spaces and big skies.
I am pretty sure it was not Montana Kate Bush was singing about in her song The Big Sky, but Kate and the ponies of her fancy could do no better than what I have seen out my window all-the-live-long day. While Montana is as green and pleasant a land as I have seen, it might shock young Kate, as it did me, that there are so many dead cows and cow skeletons just laying around out here. I swear I didn’t expect to see one, let alone the half dozen I have seen so far.
I do not know a squirt about ranching, but I can’t imagine any rancher has many cattle to spare, or any that go unwatched. I guess a dairy farmer sees his beasts multiple times a day and would spot a sick one quickly, whereas many of these cowpunchers probably don’t see theirs but a few times before Fatburger does. Maybe it’s easy to lose one…
Speaking of losing, on this day your fearless traveler surely earned his title. You see, as I near my goal of seeing all 50 states, I have begun to look for alternate travel goals, and one that somewhat organically sprung from my particular lifestyle was the desire to gamble in all 50 states. I know in this day and age of hyper-morality, such an aspiration is as likely to raise as many rifle-sites as eyebrows, but I do this as much for your enjoyment as my own and must not be dissuaded by any foe foreign or domestic.
During our very brief layover in Havre, Montana I decided to make a mad dash across the street from the station to see what one of these seedy little bar/casinos lining in towns like Glasgow, Wolf’s Point, Wagner, & Malta look like inside (I saw the best casino name of all-time in a town I think was called Chinook: E-Z Mark Casino. Damn, truth is better than fiction.) Being the intrepid thrill-seeker I am, I chose not only a bar/casino, but PJ’s Bar/Casino/Card Room. Perhaps it is just the adrenaline talking, but upon bursting into PJ’s, I could swear I heard some Gabby Hayes type mutter “Git A Rope!” under his breath to the local bull overseeing a game of Texas Hold ‘Em. Perhaps it was the whir of the video slots, clicking with heavy payouts I heard, but I can’t be sure it wasn’t the sound of a well-oiled Colt Revolver array clicking in unison as I drew for my wallet. They were all relieved to see that I was just going for a quarter to drop into a Dueces Wild Video Poker machine and not my Winchester Smokeless. A young maiden, or perhaps some common cow town hussie, appeared to faint just out of view amidst the tension, I didn’t have time to linger over the scene. My aim was to get my quarter in that slot, get the button pushed, and get back to my train before I was stuck there for the night.
Naturally, when I didn’t win the jackpot immediately I cast the proprietor a knowing look; a look that said “It looks like Hoof-n-Mouth Disease will be a thing of the past before you cow town gambling houses run a fair game”. Perhaps his nod was in ascension to me, perhaps it was a cue for the half-soused constable to wake the hanging judge…I can’t be sure. I broke for the door, turning only to yell “Damn Bitches! I know y’all got beef with the East Coast, but when a playa don steps to y’all trying to put some paper on his books, y’all need to bow down! The 718 don’t play like that. You can expect me and me crew to be rollin’ deep into the heart of Havre on the real, and you can be damn sure we gonna come strapped! The Flatbush StreetSweepa Was Here! Big Ups To Brooklyn, Queens, And The Boogie Down! ODB & Biggie RIP. Fulton Street Don’t Play!”
With that, I was Audi 5000 and chillin’ in my compartment with a flat. room temperature Mountain Dew in seconds flat. I winked at a Mennonite hottie as I got we got back on board and I expect to be giving one of her blankets a full tryout somewhere near Minot, North Dakota this very night as we roll in at about 3am. You wouldn’t believe it by looking at it, but I am all natural, so it will be alright with her.
Add Montana to my list of states gambled in. I landed Louisiana 2 weeks ago, and have many to go. Just doing an off-the-top of my head count, I now have Washington, California, Nevada, Montana, Wisconsin, Illinois, Michigan, New Jersey, Connecticut, Mississippi, and Puerto Rico. I think I will surely add New Mexico & Florida this year, but clearly, I have a lot of work to do.
Mo’ Money, Mo Problems.
Posted by rudayday at May 15, 2005 04:48 PM